April 27, 2017
My Dearest Carol,
As I write this, I have just passed the mark of your passing, one year ago today, when I had to let you go because I know you would have wanted me to. Thus, began my journey on this incredible year of transformation, deep love, grief, and letting go.
And, what I have learned is that in the silence of your absence, I can now hear the joy, feel the love, and smile at our wonderful memories. You affected my life greatly when we met. You often told me that, “I was the one who put all the color into your life”. Well, I found my comrade in arms, a cherished friend, and person I could laugh with every single day. We colored together, my love, in a beautiful, complex, tapestry of the book of our life.
Throughout this year it became painfully clear how I lost all of these precious things, dimmed greatly by your physical self not being here by my side, and that this was the tide that overwhelmed my being, for what seemed forever. However, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t smile, laugh, and think of you. Whether it is the way I see our dogs play, a dish I prepared for us both that I now prepare for myself, a restaurant or landmark I pass, see the hummingbird you always told me what a sign for your mother, or think of a trip we had taken or wanted to take – I can still hear you.
I hear your laugh. I see your smile. I feel your hugs. I sense your embrace. Like the wind that rustles through the trees, I don’t need to see you to feel you all around me, Carol Jean Sovinski. Always there, that power, grace, and force unseen.
This is the continuing gift you have given me.
This is the love you had for me.
This is the something that I will never forget for as long as I live.
This is your legacy to me.
Thank you, my love.
I miss you so.