Lesbian Life Interview with Michelle Bonilla

I called Michelle Bonilla minutes after the California Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage must allowed. I was the one to deliver the news to her and she cheered in delight.

You’ve probably seen Michelle on TV or in the movies. She’s played paramedic Harms on ER for more then ten years, had a role in Star Trek: Enterprise and played Latina teacher Teresa Morales on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, among dozens of other roles. Michelle is an out and proud Mexican Lesbian actor. She sat down and talked with me about her latest pet-project, why she thinks so many celebrities choose to stay in the closet, the lack of lesbians on TV and her thoughts about Jodi Foster. Here is the Lesbian Life interview with Michelle Bonilla.

Lesbian Life: Have you heard the good news? The Supreme Court in California has ruled that to deny gays and lesbians the right to marry is unconstitutional.

Michelle Bonilla: Whoo, hoo hoo! Yeah! I love that! That’s so awesome! I’m so excited I’ve got goose bumps right now. That’s excellent.

You obviously made a decision at some point to be out and there are people out there who are making different decisions. What played into yours? Why did you decide to be an out actor?

I really didn’t make a conscious decision to be out. I’ve been in this business for 15 years and even before that was an issue for me, I was so concentrated on my career. Whenever I was called for audition, they knew about my work. My sexuality has nothing to do with that. So as years went on, I actually came out in The Advocate. I had done a short [film] that Liz Lachman directed and I was posed a question, are you gay? And why was I going to lie? I don’t have anything to hide. I pride myself on being truthful, not only to myself, but to others. Certain things aren’t anybody’s business, but if I go and make a gay film, I’ve opened myself up to it. I actually didn’t think I’d get a big response, but boy was I wrong! I got tons of mail and tons of email and they were all supportive.

That’s great! I hear so many positive stories like that. What do you think is keeping so many gay and lesbian actors in the closet?

I just think it’s fear. If everything is going well, you start to question, “Will I lose everything?” Because that’s the fear, “Oh my god, will I ever work again?”

Do you think it’s fear based in reality?

I mean what is fear? Fear is always based on something that has not happened yet. Everything is riding on personalities. You become famous not only for your work, but you become a personality and that personality is jeopardized. There is fear involved because how are you going to get your income. The interesting thing is Jodi Foster recently did a wonderful lay-out in the insert for the LA Times Entertainment section. It was this marvelous interview and picture of her and her partner and her son and nothing about her being gay. It’s so obvious. She won’t say it. She went so far when she won an award to thank her partner, but it was. “Is Jodi Foster finally coming out and saying it?” No. But at that point, everyone knows, but I don’t think it’s about fear for her. I mean, I hold her in such high esteem, but she has made that choice. For the mass of the people out there who are still closeted, I would just say fear. For me personally, I have nothing to lose. If I go into a room and I audition and they see my talent and they say, “Wow that’s incredible and you see their faces and you know they are sincerely moved and if they don’t hire because I’m gay, then “F” them. I am not in the position of Jodi Foster. I don’t have that type of fame, but what I do have is a secure sense of self. And I have a very secure sense of my talent. And that is what’s important to me. I’m an actor first.

Has there been any negative repercussions for you?

No, not at all.

You mentioned Jodi Foster and I’m wondering if you had a role model or mentor that helped you with your decision to come out.

Seriously, it was being in the relationship that I’m still in that was really strong and tight that to deny who I am would mean to deny that relationship. And I couldn’t do that. I can’t do that. It’s going to sound corny, but I guess my role model was love.

You’re in a relationship. You’ve been together how long?

Five years.

Let’s talk about your acting. I’ve noticed you have a special knack for weeping on camera.

(laughs)I do. That is so funny that you say that, because I am so trying to bust out of that. Every heart-wrenching role, it’s like “Get Michelle.” I don’t know. I too can be happy.

Have you done comedy?

Oh yeah! I’ve done Unfabulous and Joey. I actually just finished a film with Olympia Dukakis called Montana Amazon and it’s a dark comedy. I like to keep that in as much balance as I can. But I tend to get those roles. I’ve always seemed to go for those and get them. I’m trying to turn the tide with that. So if anyone out there wants to give me a comedy, I’m fine with that.

You’ve been on ER for like 10 years. The character you play there is a little more tough.

I wouldn’t say she’s tough, I would say she’s focused. She’s wheeling people in and out near death. She’s just very nonplussed by everything.

Which one is more you? The nonplussed one or the weepy one?

It’s so funny, I think they’re both Michelle. The way I go about my work, I like to come from a very truthful place, so there always going to be me. I’m just lucky to be able to make money by tapping into those parts of myself.

What are you currently working on?

I’m actually really excited. I’m about to start pre-production on a short that I wrote and then directed. It’s gay-themed about a relationship between two women that doesn’t quite work out. And it’s called Slip Away. It’s really beautiful. You’ve heard the idea that love conquers all, well in this love doesn’t conquer all. Once again, a very uplifting story.

Are you acting in it as well?

Yes. It’s a very character driven short. There are two main characters and a couple of other characters interwoven. I will be doing one of those. I haven’t quite made the decision. I feel I could do all of them. I also want to focus on the directing of it. So we’ll see.

Is this the first film that you’re writing and directing?

Yes, it is. I’ve been working on it for quite some time.

Is that something we can look forward to seeing at gay and lesbian film festivals?

Yes, and not only that but Latino film festivals. I am of Mexican heritage and I make no qualms about how prideful I am to be Mexican. It’s a very universal themed short. Everyone goes through stuff like that. It just so happens that there’s two women involved.

Tell me about your actor’s studio.

Yes, that’s how I’m contributing. I’m lucky enough to do what I’m doing. I realized that, I had to come from the ground up. I had to bumble a lot. With my business partner Nick Mize, we created Synergy Actor’s Studio. Those are for actors of all levels. It’s a Meisner based study. It’s on-camera. And it’s also about the business of the business. Anyone can come to study with us to understand how they’re coming across on camera. There’s a lot of schools out here that beat you down before they build you up. I totally don’t believe in that. Nick and I, being actors ourselves, we’re just trying to make you better. We’re doing what’s worked for us. This is our experience and it’s just sharing our experience and knowledge with them and having a supportive place to work out so they can grow and become better artists.

What kind of things are you offering?

It’s an on-going class, once a week. We work on really truthful acting. It’s about not being discouraged when you go out there. The way you do that is by hunkering in and honing your craft so when you go into an audition you leave, not with your hat between your hands, but you leave feeling empowered because you know you did a good job. You can’t control the other aspect of it. You don’t know who’s niece has to be hired because of this or that. You know that if you go in there and you rocked it because you were awesome, they have no other choice but to take notice. Maybe not for this one, but maybe the next one, but they will remember who you are because you were truthful and honest and connected. It’s by doing that over and over that your name is recognized and you’re taken seriously.

That’s what we want to encourage. Nick and I teach together, hence the synergy aspect. Nick comes from a New York theater based background and I come from television and film. We’ve combined our talents.

What about you then? How did you get your start in acting?

So many years ago, I majored in theater in college and stayed for a year and a half and then I left and decided to focus on the acting. On a whim and a prayer, I left school.

So, you weren’t learning what you wanted to in college?

I left to really get into it. I found a Meisner based class and I really started doing my grunt work. It’s a very different town now with the advent of computers. I used to get in my car at 8 am and drive and drop off my head shots to casting directors and agents.. I smile and laugh because I literally knocked on so many doors. That’s basically how I got my start. The first film I did was a film with Christopher Reeves. I had to go to an audition. They brought me to the audition right there on the set for the director and they were like “Great, put her in make-up.”

Wow!

It was the quickest thing ever. They paid my way into the union. That’s the best thing that can happen to an actor when they’re non-union.

Was that your first audition?

The first audition ever that I had was a play I did for Eric Overmyer. He is one of the creative forces behind Law and Order. He wrote a play called Dark Rapture. I auditioned for him in that play and I booked the lead and we went to Dallas Theater Center and it was the main stage production. That was the very first thing I booked. The very first film I booked was with Christopher Reeve. I had a whirlwind first for myself.

So that was a good indication that you were on your right path.

Yeah. That’s a good way of putting it.

Is there a dream role that you have that you would love to play?

I would really love to be in ensemble cast, one hour drama or light comedy. I would love to play a lawyer or a detective.

Now that The L Word is going off the air, what do you think that the next generation of lesbian shows is going to be?

Well, I’m going to say hopefully, it will be a better representation of real lesbians out there. Still beautiful, like regular TV shows that don’t have anything about being gay. How about some TV shows that are like Law and Order, but have gay characters in them? How about real story lines with characters that are gay?

I don’t think there’s one lesbian character on mainstream TV right now…

See, that’s got to change. I hope that the next generation of lesbian shows are there are more character based. I thought that Queer as Folk was a pretty good show.. It was more real. I thought that was a truer representation. Of course it is a television show. They had sex and all that stuff, but it was great. I thought the acting was superb. They really had something going there.

You don’t think The L Word holds a candle to that?

Not at the end. I’ll just put it this way, I never did connect to that show the way I did with Queer as Folk. I really got involved in the characters. The writers of that show were great. The L Word has a certain tongue-in-cheek element after a while. It was almost like they were making fun of what was really going on in West Hollywood. Who cares? I don’t think it was totally bad. I would be a hypocrite if I said I didn’t enjoy it.